You felt for a second.
You felt alive, you felt happy, complete, peaceful, in love…
You felt the magic, the magic that few are destined to feel.
Few cursed ones or should I say blessed ones?
I wondered a lot in my mind trying to excuse that by focusing on the blessings.
But then one day I tried to attempt to see again. To see within. To go there and try to feel. No matter how “spiritual” you wanna be and no matter how positive you might try to be, it will not work. Not when the walls that your twin broke are higher than ever. Not when behind these walls, hidden in the darkest corner, is you, frightened like never before, broken in ways that even the strongest find impossible to put together.
So you are here, smiling,laughing, motivating everyone. In their eyes you are Mr.Unbreakable.
But little they know.
That behind these walls is a scared kid that was rejected by love so many times for no reason.
“You cant battle with these demons honey. You are just learning how to live with them.”
You cant go there with “healing the inner child techniques” to save yourself.
You cant heal this part when there is noone there to heal. Its not fun to label spiritual or constructive any relationships that cared that much to leave you there wondering why. Why again.
Trust is something fragile.
Emotions are too.
And when the beauty dies within so many times you are just roaming around in life trying always to avoid feelings and true deep interactions. Why? Because you kept your world save and they just raped it with no remorse.
You will be better they said.
You will be wiser they said.
You will be this and that. No. It never worked. It never did.
You only build up walls and find new ways to keep everyone away.
And yes, suddenly everyone becomes an enemy. Never felt so difficult to hug or touch anyone, even your loved ones. You became more powerful just to hold your pieces together, just to be able to fight with more fuck*d up memories and emotions, just to be able to fool yourself more and be contented with less and less and less and eventually give up on your dreams and hopes.
But you know what actually causes all of that from the first place?
A wounded person will actually manifest or be attracted by someone who also needs healing in any way, cause subconsciously they feel connected with those who share the same experiences and they feel the urge to help them cause they want to help and heal themselves. Its US that we allowed this to manifest and its in our hands to say no.
Say no to abusive relationships.
Say no to those who refuse to say sorry, change and evolve.
Say no to those who doesn’t appreciate your presence and they take you for granted.
Say no to those who use you by any way. Forgive them. Let them go.
It will not help you evolve! Its there to show to you how you DON’T love yourself and what you keep allowing to exist in your life and for whatever reasons. Its there just to deliver a message and go away! Not to stay or play any role in our personal lives. We honor the person or the situation and we make a choice of what we truly want instead.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what truly makes you happy. But off course first of all learn to be happy and content by yourself no matter what.
Claim your dreams by insisting. You deserve hugs, love, phonecalls, messages, flirt, appreciation, amazing moments, empowerment, support, communication, sincerity. Go out there and get that. Do your self a favor and allow only what is nurturing and beautiful to you to be in your life.
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